Different tops process top drop in various ways, including:
Top drop is a natural physiological reaction. Performers and public speakers get it regularly. Just accept it and enjoy the ride.
Injuries in BDSM are uncommon. Generally, the least safe part of an evening at your local dungeon is getting home afterward - when there are drunks on the road.
I once burned a guy during a fire demo. We both knew the risks. We agreed that we were going to push the envelope.
Being a theatrical demo rather than a scene, it was dramatic and fast-paced. Afterward, we found that he had a half-inch burned area on his back.
It took months to go away.
I felt devastated. He got over it quickly, but I felt bad for much longer.
It is fairly common for the bottom to get over injuries much faster than the top.
It's important to remember that bad outcomes sometimes happen even when everything is done right.
Consider how doctors must feel. If the best known treatment is 50% effective, then they lose half their patients despite doing the best possible for them.
Remember that what we do is RACK - Risk-Aware Consensual Kink. The keys are true consent after being fully aware of all the risks.
It may also help to consider how "well-used" our bodies would be from daily life in another culture or time. The body evolved to withstand a lot of insult. That's what the healing process is for.
Accept the feelings of top guilt. They're just another part of the scene.
It's better to feel and process them than to deny or suppress them.
Apportioning blame is not useful. However, doing a post-scene analysis (alone or with the bottom) can help you find any weaknesses, so you can have a better outcome in future.
It can also help you see that you did little or nothing wrong. Some considerations:
We cover this topic in more depth in our annual "Emotional Aspects of Play" program.
Top Guilt
It's not unusual for a Top (Dom/me, Sadist, etc) to feel guilty after a scene.
This article talks about some of these cases.
First Scenes
Most people experience an emotional roller coaster, including delight, fear, joy, confusion, doubt, relief, and other emotions, often for hours or days after their first scenes. Relax, enjoy the ride, and don't make any life decisions in the first week after a scene.
Top Drop
There is a post-scene physiological syndrome called "top drop" that affects every top.
During a scene, the top builds up a lot of stress hormones (adrenaline, etc). After the scene, these get slowly flushed from the body.
The "drop" feeling usually begins 20-30 minutes after the scene ends, and lasts for at least 30 minutes, sometimes much longer.
Inappropriate reactions include:
Tops get into trouble when they're not aware of top drop, or don't manage it well.
They can end up feeling like a bad person, or playing out whatever negative scripts they acquired from society.
This is unnecessary.
Morning After Regrets
(more coming here)
Injuries to the Bottom
Occasionally, the bottom will be unintentionally injured during the scene. This often leads to a lot of anguish for the top.
It can help to deconstruct the feelings:
You may also feel better thinking about what you've learned. Knowing what you both know now:
Other Articles and Resources
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