Becoming a Pro Domme
These notes are for those curious about trying to become a Pro Domme.
Some women in the scene think it would be fun and easy to become a pro domme. You get to wear fabulous clothes, and get paid very well to beat on guys.
Some of the positives:
- You set your own hours. (Some report demand for workday hours e.g. 10-5 Mon-Fri, some for 2-9pm. It's recommended that you offer clients some daytime, evening, and weekend options.)
- Your session toys, clothes, and dungeon may be tax deductible.
- It's work you can do at almost any age, 18-80.
- You don't have sex with your clients. And it's strongly discouraged for many reasons. Due to the legal climate and other factors, pro dommes try to avoid offering anything that a court or jury could construe as sex or prostitution. None of our pro domme friends provide sex to clients.
Some of the negatives:
- Even without providing sex, a prosecuter and jury may construe pro domme work as sex work, and so illegal. We're told that being paid to touch an erogenous zone with (assumed/inferred) intent to arouse qualifies as prostitution, independent of your actual intent. That could include spanking. We're advised to consider pro domme work as not legal. Much is at the discretion of law enforcement, prosecutors, and juries. Consult legal counsel.
- Some men will try to use you for phone sex, never intending to pay for a session.
- There can be a high rate of no-shows, where you schedule an appointment, and then there's no client. A rule of thumb is the longer the phone interview, the less likely they'll show up.
- There are some creepy or dangerous people out there.
- Doing pro sessions might alter your attitude toward personal scenes. (Mixing business and pleasure.)
- While you have some latitude in selecting clients, you can't be too picky and still pay the bills.
- Even though the hourly rate is high, you'll get paid for relatively few hours per week.
- There are usually substantial expenses eating up your income, especially at first.
- You could become emotionally involved with some clients.
- The amount of pro-domme work has been decreasing for years, and seems likely to continue to decline. The number of people available/interested in doing this work is increasing.
Other thoughts:
- This is not a job for man-haters, although that pretense can work well in some sessions. Make sure you've worked through any issues, and can behave professionally.
- Experience in theatre, service industries, entertainment, or psychology is useful.
- A broad experiene of life helps, since you'll be dealing with a broad range of people.
If you think this is something you really can do, and want to do, then:
- Attend lots of BDSM classes.
- Get lots of private experience in the scene, probably as both top and bottom.
- Read the Greenery Press book
"Paying for It: A Guide by Sex Workers for Their Clients", edited by our friend Greta Christina.
- Read the book "Turning Pro: A Guide to Sex Work for the Ambitious and the Intrigued", by Magdalene Meretrix.
- Talk to lots of pro dommes. Many do attend non-pro parties, but they don't want to spend all their leisure time giving free consulting.
- Find a successful pro domme to mentor you. You will need mentoring for all the things outside the session, more than BDSM techniques themselves.
You'll need to know things like: screening clients, local laws and law enforcement, taxes and bookkeeping, current problem clients, best places to advertize, how to network with other pro-dommes, etc.
You should be prepared to compensate them for their time and expertise.
- A mentor may also provide (rent) access to a session space. There are relatively few people willing and able to provide this service.
- Get a current First Aid and CPR certificate, preferably from a kink-friendly instructor. We recommend Jay Wiseman.
- Get advice from a local kink-friendly or sex worker friendly lawyer.
Some more resources
Referrals
If you wish, we can refer you to prominent pro dommes who have been successful at mentoring newcomers. If you want this, email us with this information:
- Explicit permission to pass your note to candidate mentors.
- Contact information (email and/or phone).
- Why do you want to work as a pro domme?
- Once you are established, what do you think will draw clients to you?
- What relevant experience (if any) do you have?
- What do you think you need, to get from where you are now, to being a successful pro domme?
- To what extent do you want to pro domme, pro sub, or both?
- Once established, what techniques/skills are you likely to offer clients?
- What types of sessions are you likely to refuse?
We can not guarantee that a suitable mentor will be available or interested.
There is essentially no market for straight male pro dom or pro subs. There is a market for gay male sessions. Transexuals (M2F) can also get male clients. Female pro dommes can get sessions with clients that are male, couples, or (rarely) female.
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