Rules for Primal Erotic Parties

Primal-specific rules include:

• It is NOT OK to post the party location anywhere.

• It is NOT OK to troll for a date on craigslist or similar.

• No street clothes. See our strict Dress Code. Just taking off your shirt or trousers isn't enough. Putting on a uniform jacket isn't enough. If we don't think it complies with the dress code, you can take it off or leave. (Sorry to sound harsh - there has been occasional non-compliance.) Everyone needs to look and feel like they belong here, rather than looking like a tourist.

• No street shoes. This is a nice carpeted space with many mattresses. Bare feet preferred. Boots and fetish footwear permitted.

• If anyone makes you feel uncomfortable, tell a Monitor or Host immediately, identifying the individual. To keep a relaxed, safe, fun space, we have a no tolerance policy for bad behavior:
  • No heavy cruising. It's ok to offer, once only. If they're interested, they'll get back to you.
  • No touching without explicit permission.
  • No entering a scene without explicit invitation.
  • No crowding a scene.
  • No wanking while staring at someone else or their scene, without invitation.
  • No following someone without their permission

• It is not OK to ask someone for their "real name", or where they live or work. It is OK to offer your own contact information.

• Downstairs there should be no idle chat. If you're not in a scene, keep quiet or take it upstairs. Most people don't get turned on hearing someone gripe about their landlord.

• Clean up after yourself.

• Do not attempt to change the lighting or music.

• Body fluids must be contained, not spilled on the carpet or furniture.

• If your butt is bare, only sit or lie on a sheet or towel.

• While we encourage acceptance of a broad range of kinky behaviors, certain more extreme or intrusive forms of BDSM play are not appropriate for Primal sex parties. These include blood play, humiliation, psychological play (abduction, interrogation, taboos, mindfuck, etc), verbal abuse, heavy resistance, screaming from pain or fear, stomping, whip cracking. When in doubt, ask a Host first. The underlying principle is don't do scenes in a way that kills other attendees' erotic moods. Not all attendees get turned on by heavy BDSM. If you convince the hosts that you can do it without disrupting others, or violating venue rules, they'll probably permit it.

• The party is very crowded. Try to be compact. People won't be impressed if you spread out a truckload of toys.

• Most BDSM play is acceptable, if it is clearly consensual (even to an untrained observer), and not done in a way that disrupts or squicks vanilla attendees. Examples include: sensation play, spanking, flogging, electrical play, ritual, dominance, submission, objectification, role play, wax play, sounds, and bondage. Messy scenes require tarps and special precautions.

• Also welcome are Tantra, spiritual sex, ritual, and similar energy work. And massage of all kinds.

• Barrier protection is mandatory for penis-vagina sex, anal play, fisting, and rimming. It is highly recommended for oral sex, penetrative toys, and any potential exposure to body fluids. The venue provides condoms, plastic wrap, lube, and gloves, though you may also bring your own.

• Respectful masturbation is permitted, intrusive wanking is not. If someone watching a scene makes a scene participant uncomfortable, they must back away, desist, or leave the area of that scene.

• Similarly, respectful voyeurs are welcome, but energy vampires are not. While watching a scene, your gaze should be non-demanding, and non-intrusive. Don't try to make eye contact. Don't just stare at pink bits.

• If someone makes you feel uncomfortable, ask them politely to stop, telling them how to correct it, e.g. "Please step back two feet" or "We don't want anyone watching now." If they don't try to fix it politely on each request, point them out to a monitor or host.

• No disrespect. We are one of the most diverse parties, and don't tolerate dress, speech, or behavior that ridicules any group or individual. When you dress up, do it with respect and knowledge.

• No cameras, recording devices, or cell phones. Take your cell calls outside only.

• No alcohol, drugs, or illegal substances. Do not arrive impaired.

• Do not offer to buy or sell sex.

• Politely obey and don't aggravate the Monitors or Staff. (Monitors wear or carry orange bandanna. One of the hosts often wears a bright red ot black kimono. Some monitors are deliberately unmarked, but carry the orange bandanna.) If you don't like these rules, feel free to create your own sex club.

• Follow all venue-specific rules.

• We reserve the right to refuse entrance to anyone or ask anyone to leave. Refunds not given if you've been in more than five minutes.

The venue's additional rules (phrased for BDSM parties) can be found at sfcitadel.org, and are also posted in the space.