Primal Erotic Parties - Transgender and Intersex Diversity

It's important to distinguish gender identity from sex.

• Sex is often male or female. It is assigned at birth, but may change.
• Gender identity mainly refers to an internal aspect, and might be masculine or feminine, both, neither, or one or more of many other possibilities.
• Gender expression is outward signs of gender.
• Orientation refers to the type(s) of person one is more likely to be attracted to.
• Orientation identity is a label related to orientation, e.g. gay, lesbian, bi, het, queer, and many more.
• Sexual behavior refers to what one actually does, e.g. MSM - men who have sex with men.

• One's gender and sex do not need to match. E.g. typically Butch lesbians have female sex and masculine or butch identity.
• Someone may change sex without changing gender. E.g. a masculine woman may become a masculine man.
• Someone may change gender without changing sex. E.g. a man may present as masculine sometimes and feminine other times.
• Some trans people volunteer their gender history to strangers, others rarely speak of it.
• Some trans people are pre-op, some are post-op, some are non-op.
• Some trans people are shy about their bodies. Others are exhibitionists.
• Some people change sex for a lifetime (legally and/or socially).
• Some people change gender for a lifetime, an evening, or even mid-sentence.
• One's identity and one's behavior may be quite different.
• Some people choose to wholly change sex, and live entirely different from the sex assigned at birth. E.g., a person who has gone from female-to-male (FTM) now is of male sex. His gender identity might be masculine, trans, transman, FTM, and/or some other(s).
• Some people play with gender, e.g combining aspects of different genders. Some actively undermine gender assumptions and binaries. E.g. "genderqueer" and "genderfluid".
• Different people use quite different language and concepts about their gender history, from "correcting an accident of birth", to "living more authentically", to "expressing another side of me", to "going beyond the binary". Each is a valid expression of their personal experience.
• Gender identity is usually independent of sexual orientation. Like anyone else, trans folk may be gay/lesbian, bi, het, Kinsey surfers, or some other orientation.
• The notion of "passing" (to be read as one's preferred sex and gender) is deprecated, since it could be interpreted as trying to fool people, or appear as something one is not. And some people do the opposite - actively undermine gender roles and binary assumptions.

• There are many forms of intersexuality, usually related to chromosomes or reproductive anatomy (internal or external) that don't match society's expected binary parameters/divisions.
• Intersex people might identify as male, female, intersex, trans, or other.
• The trans diversity above also applies across the intersex spectrum.

• A person is whatever sex and gender they say. Even if they change sex and/or gender from time-to-time. Even if you don't agree.
• Authentic expression of one's gender identity and expression is a joy, not a burden or limitation.
• Any kind of stereotyping is unwelcome.
• At Primal, people disclose as much or little about themselves as they like - their sex, gender, orientation, preferences, plumbing, etc.
• If you're unsure what sex or gender someone identifies with, you can avoid using gender pronouns - just use their name. You may also hear/use some form of gender-neutral pronoun, such as zie/hir.
• Asking someone their gender can be problematic or give offense. Among genderqueer folk, one phrase is "Which gender pronouns do you prefer?"
• There are far more than two sexes and two genders. Don't force someone into the binary mold. Asking someone the deprecated question "Are you a boy or a girl?" might well get the answer "No." or maybe "Yes."
• Avoid making someone feel bad about their gender. Or orientation. Or identity. Or anything else, for that matter.
• It is not polite to inquire about someone's plumbing unless you've reached an appropriate level of mutual interest.
• Avoid fetishizing someone's gender or genitalia, unless they have explicitly invited it. E.g. the "she-male" / "chicks with dicks" fetish is usually unwelcome outside professional porn.
• We're all people first.

We regard it as a sign of a good event that gender-variant people feel safe and equal, neither marginalized nor fetishized.

Here are some of the gender-variant identities and communities represented at Primal:

• androgyne/androgynous
• boi
• butch-butch
• butch-femme
• crossdresser
• daddy
• drag king
• drag queen
• dyke
• fag
• fairie
• FTM
• genderfluid
• genderfuck
• genderqueer
• intersex
• man
• MTF
• leatherdyke
• leatherman
• puppy
• queen
• third gender
• transman
• transwoman
• two-spirit
• womyn
• (not represented here? let us know.)

• http://twu.edu/O-SL/counseling/SelfHelp008.html
• Self-Made Man, by Norah Vincent
• The Lou Sullivan Society reading list
• (more suggestions, please)